New Class!

I am very excited to announce that for the month of November I will be teaching at The Giving Tree Yoga Studio, in Astoria! I am so pleased to be a part of their fabulous community and encourage you to come check out The Giving Tree.

Join me Mondays, 10:00am-11:30, for a rocking Vinyasa flow class. Class is by donation - so you can pay what you like to get your yoga groove on! Each month this 'Yoga for a Cause' class is dedicated to a different fabulous charity. (Look for more on that soon!) Feeling very excited and honored!

New Glasses ... for Love Your Body Day!

In honor of Love Your Body Day, I will share that today I picked up my first pair of glasses. Glasses were so not a part of my identity... until now. 

Love your body - all your changes, gains, loses, breaks, bumps, good/bad hair days. 

Embrace it. Love it for all that it is and can do. 

A few other things on my body list: 

-degenerative discs 

-a nose that has been broken 

-two tattoos 

-five ear piercings (used to be six) 

-huge hair

-chicken pox scars

-t-nail shot through my thumb scar 

I have a yogi, nerdy, trips-over-her-own-feet, sexy body! 

What makes your body list?

Take Another Look: See

Sometimes you just need to get away. I apologize for my blogging break, but trust that at least some of the time was much needed re-coop time. Re-cooperation from what, you may ask? I am not sure I can pin point it exactly. But lets call it busy-season-changing, months-that-feel-week-long-only, wedding-planning-writing-scrambling... stress. Yes, lets call it stress.

I don't know about you, but when I am stressed I let myself push, push, push to get the to-do list done. I aim to accomplish more than any one person could possibly hope to do in 24 hours - yet never give myself credit for doing enough. And most days I add more to the list than I check off because it feels like the tasks are never-ending. Sounds familiar? Then after all the work I discredit, when I may finally have a moment to rest and restore, instead, I crash. I turn the TV on and zombie-out or, as I like to call it, have turn-my-brain-off time.

The thing is, even though this is down time (and I do think that occasionally it is what a person may need for their down time) it is not what my body and mind needs most. I find, that stress causes me to do do do and really what I need is to just be. To take a moment and enjoy a really deep breath and sigh, to take in how smart and funny my friends are, to hug my fiance, to take my time cooking a meal, or to get away and leave the busy city behind for a bit.

Last weekend I got the chance to escape the bustling city life and head to one of my favorite places, Ithaca, NY. If you have never been I highly recommend it. I went to college there and try to get back at least once a year - usually for the Apple Harvest Festival. This year, I did yoga at Lucifer Falls, ate and drank aplenty, spent some time with dear friends, and some remembering how it feels to make time to sit still and just be.

I also learned a very good lesson in a funny situation. While sitting in the Commons (a beautiful little pedestrian downtown area full of shops and apple goodness) I noticed a guy wandering and trying to hand out fliers. He appeared to be a local - what Ithaca or Cornell students would call a "towny" - in hippy garb, perhaps purchased at the local hemp store, and dreadlocks. We made eye contact as he worked his way through the crowd, I smiled, he looked me up and down and sort of made a face. Eventually he made his way to me and gave me a postcard and a wink.

I said thanks, turned the postcard to the back, and immediately began to laugh as I declared, "Dude, I can totally chant this with you!" before noticing he had already slipped back into the crowd. The card read:

"Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare


Suggested Donation for this piece $1"


All I could think was that I must not look like a yoga teacher today and how nice that he wanted to share the great mantra with me - without asking for a donation even. Then I wondered if he was judging me, trying to save me, and what or who he had summed me up to be. The self judging thought was followed by a much more beautiful one.  It is not about what we see or how we appear to someone else. You cannot look and know all that a person is.

During these few days following that moment I have come to realize that as stressed out, do do do, as I ever become I am always a yogi and a being that ultimately knows what my body and mind needs. I do not need to be a super woman who gets everything on the list done. I do not need to impress, stress or express exactly who or what I am or prove myself to another person. I need to breathe, practice, enjoy, be.

Pain: Battle or Breathe

I have been working with an injured shoulder for months now - my left, behind the shoulder blade, shooting pains up into my neck. Pain is not unusual in my yoga practice, though that sounds terrible to admit... but I have had degenerative discs since I was thirteen, from a car accident my family was in. It is this accident that really brought me to body awareness and yoga in the first place, though I did not like it at the time and could not understand what it was doing to help me. I felt that instead it was making me focus on my injury when I just wanted to move on from it. In fact, when people ask how I discovered yoga I often forget that it was ever part of my recovery therapy. My first thought is often of a class I was dragged to during college because that is where I had my eureka, oh-this-is-yoga, moment.

We store tension in the body. We hold on to accidents or stress or memories we are still working through. This is not always a conscious act, so we blame the injury for the pain, when really, it is tension caused by something completely different and perhaps not the injury at all. In this case, I really did hurt my shoulder, but I am also sure that there is a lot more going on there. Through this particular pain, I have been going through stages of rest (oh I am going to take it easy in class today, my shoulder...) vs practicing harder (maybe I can just work through the knots). Of course neither has worked. I was pushing too hard and true change, in my personal experience, never occurs by force.

Last week, Jenny Gammello (my teacher, friend, and Thai massage master) worked on my shoulder. She helped me stretch in ways my yoga practice could not achieve and encouraged me to just let go. She got me to surrender the weight of my arm into her hands, so that she could do the work and help me find ease. It may seems simple but letting go, even just the weight of your own arm, is tricky to do. Eventually she got me to give and together we started to work out the knots.

I did not push. I breathed. At one point the position Jenny held my shoulder in, and the breath I sent to it, created such a force that my muscle started to spasm and had no choice but to let go of the tension it was carrying. Jenny told me that I did that work, that I released it all on my own. I laughed and without really thinking said, "It was a battle or breathe moment."  Meaning, I could either fight surrendering to the stretch because it was uncomfortable or just take a deep breath and give in to the experience. Give in. Let go. Breathe. Experience. I have written about all these things before. But sometimes it takes a physical experience to make a concept a reality. Jai.

Yogis in the Outfield

I went to Coney Island on Saturday to see a Brooklyn Cyclones game. Perfect day, great game, and even some yoga during the visiting team's warm ups - go Lowell Spinners! Must share...

Out of Control...

... and it feels so good. Well, that might be pushing it but I'm learning that you cannot control everything and that is okay. You're shocked right? In the purest yoga sense, you should not want to or try to control anything. Let it be. Be in the moment. Let go of attachment. I have written these things in this very blog. However, it still seems to be the most difficult lesson for me. And I am sure it is a lesson that I will learn again and again. (Forgive my ever pitta ways.) Through wedding planning I am being put in situations where in order to enjoy the process I need to truly practice surrender.

Last week we celebrated our engagement with our wedding party and family. I had planned said party, made the invitations myself, knew the food, every person, who was bringing children, etc. I had the details down, but still felt like there was always more to do. Then I ran out of projects. I could barely sleep the week before and was having extreme nightmares all to do with not being in control of whatever situation I found myself in night to night.

The message was clear - let go, do not attempt to control, stop worrying about the future, the universe will handle it! Why was I so worried? There are many reasons. Everyone has family stress, right? And here are two families coming together to meet and it's all mine to organize. Stress.

It turns out that it was stress for no reason. The party was wonderful. I slept like a baby after. Had I simply trusted in what I already knew I could have been sleeping much sooner. The yogi me knows the universe provides. The yogi me knows that I can only be in the moment. The yogi me knows to breathe, to be content, to put love out into the world and trust that love will be returned. This was a lesson in practicing what I already know to be true. As the rest of these wedding milestones occur, I hope to trust better next time and practice the awareness my inner teacher is happy to provide.

Cheers to living in the moment, and letting this crazy ride be about our love and joy every step of the way!

Santosa...

Santosa, or contentment, can take many shapes in our daily lives but most commonly it is thought of as being satisfied with what we have been given. Santosa reminds us of Aparigraha, in the sense that we already have everything we need to be happy and content, but takes it a step further. I find that this is often the way with the Niyamas. They are personal disciplines and force us to look inward in ways we may not naturally be drawn to do with the Yamas.

Santosa is more than being satisfied with what we have in material things, though that's a start. It is being content with where we are on our path in life. It is recognizing that where we are right now is where we are meant to be. However, it does not mean take a seat on the side of the road and get stuck there. Contentment is not complacency, but acceptance. It is knowing that each step on the path is bringing us to the next lesson or experience.

This niyama is really whole in theory; every time I read a different definition of santosa I think, yes, this is the key. The key... to happiness, enlightenment, the way to becoming a better person, etc.  Oop! And there it is - the snare - a 'better' person. This idea of always needing to be bigger and better is etched into the fabric of our society. We are raised to want success and are given a very limited understand of what that means: to be richer, more popular, more famous, climb the corporate ladder to the top. (If I could only lose five pounds he would fall madly in love with me and we'd live happily ever after.) We push and push to be other than we are right now. Do not get me wrong, not all ambition is bad - it can be a driving force that leads us where we are going. But it can also be destructive and cause us to miss the beauty of where we are right now.

Santosa teaches compassion. This week, try letting go of okay-what's-next. Try to be still, and love who you are and where you are at this moment. Be content. Turn off the judging, ambitious mind and just observe how far you have journeyed already.

Hey Mr.(Ms) DJ...

Looking for some new tunes to compliment your practice? Interested in what I play during my home practice and my classes? Then check out the latest post from New York Yoga's Blog - Sounds Like Yoga Volume 4.

Each volume of 'Sounds Like Yoga' features a playlist from a New York Yoga teacher. I am very excited to share my playlist this time - I think great music in a yoga class can help keep you moving, breathing, smiling, experiencing, etc.

I create mine based around the sequencing of the class to help you go with the flow. One favorite of mine off this list is: 'Sons & Daughters' by the Decemberists - so perfect for Sun Salutations. Enjoy!

Let's pretend this is my DJ face.

Ready, Set, Go! (Teach)

Last Monday I did something crazy. I jumped in and subbed a class - and not one of the donation classes where students are aware I am still a new teacher - a 'real' class. In fact, my Teacher Training Director Jenny's class! It was not really on purpose - this was not a scheduled situation. But it was certainly one of those times to just jump (don't look down it will be fine) and then pray your parachute opens.

There is a scene in the Wizard of Oz that goes like this...

Cowardly Lion: All right, I'll go in there for Dorothy. Wicked Witch or no Wicked Witch, guards or no guards, I'll tear them apart. I may not come out alive, but I'm going in there. There's only one thing I want you fellows to do. 
Tin Woodsman, Scarecrow: What's that? 
Cowardly Lion: Talk me out of it! 

This pretty much sums up how I felt. Here's what happened...

I was sitting at my desk at the York Ave studio, signing in the 4:35pm class, and keeping an eye out for the scheduled sub. I was not worried; this is a reliable, wonderful teacher we're talking about here. But then ten minutes before class I started to worry... I call... no answer. Still thinking she will walk in at any moment. (But of course things happen and do not always run as smoothly as we would like.) So I start to call other local teachers... no answer. I am dialing and leaving messages about as quickly as is humanly possible trying to find a teacher for this class when suddenly it dawns on me - I could just teach it. Then thought, wait, can I teach it? And the battle of courage vs fear began.

I called our general manager who assured me that I should indeed jump in and just do it. At this point it is about three minutes after the regular class start time. I walked into the room and thanked everyone for their patience, explained that their sub was no longer available and that I would be their teacher today... I just had to lock up and grab pants. I did this fairly calmly. Then exited the room, ran to the back to pull yoga pants from the boutique, changed quickly, ran back to the front to lock the door, dropping my skirt and shoes and the sales tag from pants I did not know the size of at/around the front desk (yes, my coworker who came in after me had a moment of pondering my disappearance via rapture rising) and then one, two, three, jump.




The class itself is a bit of a blur. I started by putting everyone in child's pose and asking them to let the first chaotic five minutes of their class go. Saying that sometimes this is our yoga. (Secretly hoping that they wouldn't still be upset by the time the class was over. And giving myself a moment to realize that this was my yoga today too.) I had one fellow trainee in class - right up front near me - she was my rock! All through Sun Salutations I kept looking at Susan and thinking 'it's fine, it's just like training.' My hands were shaking, my ipod was on its last bar of battery, etc...  but somehow words were still coming out of my mouth. By the time I got to Surya B I knew that I could do it.

After a few deep breaths (mostly mine) we started on my sequence. As I began to focus, everyone became students instead of seventeen clients I was afraid of displeasing. (Manager brain off - teacher brain on.) Once this happened, I was able to enjoy teaching such a fabulous group of people. I even threw in a few poses or instructions that were particularly Jenny. Honestly, it could not have been a better class to jump into last minute. This was my teacher's class - I know her, the class, and am teaching because of her.  Afterward I felt honored to have been there and really like it might have been meant to be. Heck, I was even wearing a Batman T-shirt for the occasion. (Thank you laundry day.)

It is not easy to face our fears, to have courage or jump in. But sometimes life pushes us to do just that. The universe is not out to get us - instead, I believe, it is looking to show us what we are made of.

Wedding Planning Yogi Style...

Quick sneak peek at where Mike and I will be getting married next year! I know, I know - what do you care about my wedding plans right? What does that have to do with yoga? Well, actually, so far my experience has had a lot to do with yoga - one particular school of it especially...  Bhakti Yoga means to move about your life making everything an act of devotion and love. This is becoming a very big part of me, but one I am just starting to be able to share. (So much more on that to come.)

Basically it is surfacing in my wedding planning because I am trying to make all of my choices using my heart and my gut - from picking the ladies I want to stand by my side, to the location. I have found there is really no other way. I have tried the websites and the checklists, listening to a plethora of advice from loved ones (keep it coming of course) but, in the end, its all about what feels best to Mikey and me.

So, when my godparents so generously agreed to let us get married on their beautiful land it just felt right. I could absolutely picture us there. (Which I could not really do looking at all the places I was exploring online.) But I knew it would only be the right spot if Mike thought it was a beautiful, meaningful place as well. I got to bring him there this weekend and am happy to report that he loves it too.

So without further ado...

A little mowing and this is a gorgeous view of the lake!

Or there is always the married in the gazebo option...



Which would you pick? There is also a GIANT tennis court that we will be fixing up as our reception area - it will probably get half covered by a tent and will have all of the tables, the bar and be the dance floor!



Saucha...

Saucha (which I discovered today has a ton of different spellings...) is the first of the Niyamas or 'observances' in the sacred texts. Saucha means purity. Though it is sometimes seen translated as cleanliness. The Niyamas are meant to help us build a better relationship with our self. They go hand in hand with the Yamas (which help us build a better relationship with society) by getting us to explore those ideas a little more deeply.

Saucha gets a bad rap because it seems so simple. Purity/cleanliness... hmm, OK, so take a shower every morning, brush my teeth, eat well etc. It seems so easy right?  But yoga, the Yamas, and the Niyamas are not about body alone - they are about balancing the body, mind and spirit. Each Niyama needs to be considered from all angles. So what about purity in thoughts or words or actions? How about in relationships or our work? How do we make choices that can bring more purity into our everyday lives?

We can begin to do this by treating our body like our temple (I know, I know, stop me if you heard this one before...) Some people do this by cleansing the body. You can check out one cleanse here or some great cleansing morning rituals here. Others meditate to clear and purify the mind. You can even help your body clean out the old to make room for the new by incorporating twists into your practice.



Ardha Matsyendrasana anyone?



I think Saucha needs to begin at the deepest root of purity - self love. There is a reason why Ahimsa is our first Yama after all. And nonviolence needs to begin with the self - we cannot grow and give love, love, love to others if we are not first our own biggest fan. Saucha allows us to explore this idea with perfect specificity.

So this week try to give yourself a little more support... honor yourself, smile at your faults, laugh at your own jokes, be kind in your practice, challenge yourself and be proud of the results, etc etc. Then maybe take a nice long bath to ponder that cleanliness can be pampering and self love too. I mean, come on, a bath full of bubbles and some essential oils for that beautiful bod after? Seems like purity to me.

The First of Many...

On Friday, I taught my first class at New York Yoga!  In most regards this was my 'first real class' - first time at a real studio, first time having a strict start and end time, etc.  I have been teaching a weekly class and privates at my apartment for the last couple months and, though I knew this would be a different experience, the things that caught me off guard were not what I expected them to be - which was totally nerve wracking and exciting.

For one, the room is huge; there is a real sound system and a fan running. So lesson one - volume.  Not too tough, raise my voice. Check. Bottle of water inhaled over an hour because I haven't had to project this much since theatre in high school... Check.

 

The second obstacle was time. When I teach from home we set a time for everyone to arrive but we all settle in and begin the actual class at our leisure. I have a sequence prepared and a playlist that both go for a little over an hour - so that has been my time keeper. Class on Friday was 8:25-9:25am. At first I forgot about keeping time - oops - so remembering is a challenge in itself.  Then when I looked up at the clock I had 25 minutes left to class and it felt like eternity. I actually threw in a few extra poses because I thought I hadn't prepared enough. Incorrect because then I had to take poses out because twenty-five minutes flies by. 

At the top of class I got three requests... 

1. Do not talk through savasana.

Easy one - I agree that savasana is a time to soak in the results of the practice. Dharma talks are lovely and can have the first minute or two of settling in to this pose, but ultimately I like to leave the student space to just experience and be present.

2. Do not tell us 'ok just do it on your own'.

Not leaving students to flow on their own was a new thought to me - I think this depends on the class and the difficulty of said flow. This particular student was afraid of getting lost or forgetting the sequence. As the teacher it is up to me not to let this happen ever and to create a supportive environment for all students - so number two was my pleasure to oblige.

3. Keep the air on.

Check, check and double check.

Overall, I believe class was a success. My students laughed, smiled, took a pose or two more deeply than they usually do... and taught me a thing or two about teaching. I am already looking forward to the next class at New York Yoga Hot. If you would like to join me you can check out the schedule page for all the Donation Classes I am signed up to teach. These classes are pay-what-you-can and you can drop in the day of. No stress. 
Just yoga. Jai! 

Jenny Gammello's Yogini

Recently I had the honor of working with one of my amazing teachers - Jenny Gammello - on her fabulous project Yogini. Jenny, and producer Matt Jared, are making yoga accessible to all via these yoga tutorial videos.

Each Yogini episode takes you through a ten minute series with detailed instructions and three lovely yoginis to guide you. What's really lovely and original about these episodes, is that they show variety in the poses - unlike many yoga videos that often demo the peak of each pose without the krama or steps along the way. With Yogini Jenny Gammello successfully shows that yoga is for everyone.

Check out Episode Three starring Erin Fogel and me as the lovely assistant yoginis. (Erin will also be teaching donation classes at New York Yoga soon - don't miss out!) For more great yoga sequences to practice at home or sneak at work ;) check out the video section of Jenny's website.

"End, begin, all the same. Big change.

... Sometimes good. Sometimes bad." Dark Crystal anyone? 

The end is here. Or the beginning. Both really. I have completed my 200 hours of yoga Teacher Training! From here it is on to teaching community classes at New York Yoga. I feel so blessed to have come so far. This training has been triumph after triumph for me, at a time when I really needed them. The lessons learned have already so greatly impacted who I am - mentally, physically and spiritually - and I look forward to sharing these teachings as they sink in a little deeper.

The teachers who have led me on this journey are so dear to me. To think that I can now call myself a teacher too is a bit surreal. When I got up to teach my sequence during our final I was nervous, afraid I would choke and forget what to do. Then looking out on my peers waiting to do yoga, I just got to work. Teaching them felt natural, even though I was being observed for a test, and I hope that stepping in front of an actual class will feel the same way. I am okay with getting the jitters as long as once I begin teaching I can turn them off. :) 

I have to admit I am sad training is over. I will miss the amazing people I shared my weekends with, the constant encouragement and the learning environment. I am so proud of everyone and their accomplishments, and let me tell you, this is one amazing batch of yoga teachers hitting the scene! The classes we will all be teaching at New York Yoga are Yogi's Choice, Donation Classes - meaning you can come in and pay whatever you like to take them. I highly recommend taking advantage of this opportunity and coming out to meet these amazing teachers. (Then you can say you knew them when...) 

I went in to each weekend of this training excited to learn something new and was never let down. Yoga is ever evolving but has the deepest roots you can seek out. There is so much information, so many opinions and practices, that people dedicate their lives to studying text about it. Which is okay by me because that means there will always be new knowledge. I think one trick to finishing this training (and not go right into shock) will be to continue my studies of this amazing subject. Happily sharing what I discover with you. 

Of course I will still be doing plenty of yoga and evolving my practice at home and in classes. The difference now is, come June, I will also be teaching! More on that to come. Namaste. 

Engaged...

As in: to be married, ring on the finger, purposed to, on my way to Mrs!

Mala + Engagement Ring

I am so happy right now it is difficult to put into words. I know, me, speechless?! I was when he asked me too - all I could think to say was 'yes yes yes yes yes'. I have been thinking of how to write about this in a yoga way all week - since thats really what this blog is all about. Then I realized that since I am day to day a yogi, that this has everything to do with yoga. And since yoga means union - well marriage just doesn't get more yoga, right?

We in the West are householder yogis. Meaning that we cannot drop everything and just do yoga or meditate or read sacred books around the clock. We have to find our enlightenment and keep our Ahimsa mind while holding a job, paying taxes - living out in the world. This is no excuse to not be as good a yogi as you can be and actually I think it comes with many, many benefits. Householders have marriages or not, have kids or not, have jobs, create art, make a mess of their live and bounce back etc.  There is more choice and many more paths to the divine. As householders with basic needs and social requirements we live and learn  - and love.

It is the choices we make that set us on our path. I have made many to put me right where I am today and I would not want to be anywhere else. Just a few that brought me to Mike... I did theatre in high school, because of this I decided to double major in theatre (and writing) in college, I went to Ithaca (a school I hated on the campus tour and now adore), because I wasn't sure about it Lee Byron (head of the program) helped me pick classes, I ended up in a theatre class I may not have gotten into otherwise, I was assigned to work on The Mysteries of Edwin Drood my freshman year, I met Mike on that crew. We became friends pretty instantly and closer friends after a steel rack of chairs was rolled over my toe backstage and he basically carried me to the dining hall for dinner and back to my dorm after. From that moment on he was the man to depend on... I just didn't get it yet.

Ithaca College - freshmen!

Okay, so it took me about eight years to figure out he was Mr Right. Well, not exactly. About three and a half years ago I had to make a choice. Mike and I were starting to see what was between us but neither wanted to be the first to talk about it - while at the same time someone from my past came back into my life suddenly. Suddenly enough to declare us a couple after a day as if things could go back to the way they were spontaneously. I was happy but confused. On a car ride to Ithaca the next day I thought about both paths. Only one seemed like the one I was meant to be on and it was moving forward, with the person I am now set to marry.

We make big choices, take leaps of faith, go for it, jump in with both feet... and hopefully, if we are in the moment and true to ourselves, we reap big benefits because we are choosing love every single time.

Nearly a River Guide

During the very first weekend of training, my amazing director Jenny Gammello told us, "Everyone has a different river of connection to the source." That as teachers we would all take our own journey to become the sort of teacher and person we are meant to be. She encouraged us to remember that each student is on his or her own journey as well. As a teacher I get to help students navigate their path or river but I can only ever be the river guide and true to the course I am meant to take. Key to being the perfect teacher in that wisdom? I think so.

Now that there are only three weeks left to my 200 hour teacher training, I am starting to wonder where it has all gone. My start in January seems like last week, not months ago, and though it is easy to see how far we have all come, I would gladly start training all over again after we finish on May 15th. I am excited to start teaching and am looking forward to the next step too, but training has brought me so much I will be sad to be without it.

I have made the decision to continue blogging about yoga after (might have to change this title) because there is still so much to share! I have filled a notebook and a half, plus notes in my manual, sequence sketches, class observation notes, etc. So I hope you will continue to indulge me after this journey has ended and the next begins. Heck, you can even come take my class soon!

Here is just a little peek at some of the topics I have briefly touched on this bloggity-blog so far and many that are yet to come. I figure since I am reviewing and studying that I would share. Enjoy!

Ahimsa, alignment, anatomy, aparigraha, asana, ashtanga, assists, asteya, attachment, ayurveda, Bhagavad Gita, bhakti, brahmacharya, chakras, chanting, cleanse diet, deities, doshas, ease, gunas, home practice, hot yoga, intensity, karma, koshas, krama, mantra, maya, meditation, nadis, niyamas, om, pain, perception, prana, pranayama, prenatal yoga, restorative yoga, sanskrit, sattva/rajas/tamas, satya, sequencing, sun salutes, sutras, tantra, yamas... and oh so much more. :)

Aparigraha

Aparigraha is abstention from greed. Not wanting what is not yours; not taking more than you need at any one time. Sounds simple right? A lot like Asteya even? But Aparigraha takes it to the next level. In not wanting or being attached we are instead making room for the divine (or at least making room to live our lives more freely).

"Um... how do you people breathe in here?!"

The challenge of Aparigraha is letting go and trusting that everything you need, you already possess. Even while living in one of the richest societies, we still walk around this earth as if there is not enough for all. Aparigraha teaches that there is plenty - more than plenty - and that should we need, the universe will provide.

This, to me, is the most freeing Yama out of the five. It encourages us not to put importance in all the material things we collect along the way, but instead to focus on traveling the path. As we journey what is really important? Aparigraha reminds us that it is the actions we take, the love we give, and the inner self we grow to find - not the souvenir things we gather.

I challenge you this weekend (and beyond) to let the stuff go, tune in and enjoy the ride.

Triumph: Handstand - Adho Mukha Vrksasana

It has been nearly three and a half years since my last handstand. Oh handstand, how you eluded me. Well no more! Victory is, at long last, mine.

Saturday we finished the inversions section of our training with this pose. We spent hours and krama after krama prepping and jumping and let me tell you, I felt like gravity itself. I did not feel like I was accomplishing anything from jumping. I felt small and stuck in the mud when I should have felt like a super strong yogi. Handstand is about gearing up, strength… it should feel empowering.

But here’s the thing. I was afraid of handstand – thought that someone with my body would just not be able to get there. After a car accident left me with a few degenerative discs in my thoracic spine at the happy age of thirteen, I had to come to terms with the fact that my body just didn’t move the same way. By the time 2007 rolled around I was pretty comfortable in my twenty three year old body (this was of course a long time coming - another story altogether) so when someone offered me the opportunity to try handstand, I tried, but did not expect to succeed. This became a class I visited often and eventually I did find the pose – lots of practice melting my heart forward to find more backbend, lots of core work to find the strength, etc.

Of course, as soon as I became confident that I was getting handstand down, I got a nice humbling kick in the face. No really. We were paired and assisting each other up slowly, into handstand – not kicking at all. Except that my partner was brand new to yoga, in the wrong class and had a mean kick in the wrong direction. Her heel cracked me in the nose. Hard. I righted myself, left the class, and held ice there for a moment thinking ‘okay, I’m okay’. But when I touched my face my nose just was not where it should have been. I went in and finished the class. (Pitta – headstrong – can’t help it.) Turned out that my nose was broken in two places and my septum was deviated.

Spent Christmas and New Years looking like this…

My nose was back to normal fairly quickly. Handstand however, was totally lost to me. I know I did not fall on my face – which is what many people are afraid of – and I know that no one kicked me while I was in this pose. But for some reason the mental block was a strong one. I had just started to believe I could do it and then got broken down by it. So I went back to where I was before. Anytime handstand came up in class I just avoided it or would attempt to do some practice kicks, get panicky and give up. Plus now I knew exactly what a broken nose felt like and did not want to go there again. Oh, hello, new fear of falling on face - welcome to the party.  

Teacher Training turned out to be the perfect place to overcome my fear. Where else, right? This experience has helped me discover so many new things about myself and see things that I had long lost touch with. Of course my handstand phobia would arise. And after the hours of practice mentioned above, I had a moment of self love – ‘just try one more time and then let it go.’ I told myself. ‘Handstand does not need to be a thing anymore. You tried. Try once more and then let it go.’

So though exhausted, I oomphed up, felt my toe touch the wall behind me, and with a surge of strength I felt my hands ground; power spread up my arms and shoulders and realized I had done it. This was the pose! I held it for a few breaths and when I started to laugh, came down. I kept laughing and then the tears erupted from me. Molly rushed over and put her arms around me. I managed to mutter “I did it!” To which she smiled and simply replied, “What were you waiting for?”

To Teach or Not to Teach...

Many people have asked me why I decided to do a yoga teacher training program. Well, if you look at my first post you will notice that it was not necessarily to become a yoga teacher - that didn't even make it on my goals list. But read on, and you will see that there was a moment of elation after I got up and found my voice for the first time. I am happy to report that this feeling has not gone away.  I am loving teaching.

During training last week we were asked to think about some of our favorite teachers or even just some of the best classes we have had. Why are they memorable? What made them so great? Etc. Then we were asked more specifically about what we go to yoga to find and what helps us achieve these goals in class. I found these questions really helpful in thinking about the sort of teacher I would like to be - a huge revelation considering I was not sure I was going to come out of this a teacher. I am grateful and humbled to have that same desire to teach, that has possessed so many of the wonderful teachers who have gotten me here.

The lovely Juliana Mitchell teaching Restorative Yoga.

If you have had a teacher that really lit the spark in you - made you love yoga, had you leave class really feeling your absolute best, left you feeling supported, helped you find a new pose, helped you find a new piece of you, etc .... then maybe you were meant to be a teacher too. Or maybe doing a 200 hour teacher training program will help you find something else you were meant to be. Either way, the experience can be life altering. Choosing a program is much like the questions above - think of your best teachers or classes and find a program that can reinforce these experiences for you.

The last question of this exploration was: What is the yoga of your heart? The yoga of my heart... the reason to teach... what I can offer to the world via this incredible tradition. Wow. The first word into my head was support. The next was joy. I want to be a teacher that creates a supportive space for students to find joy on their mat. I want to encourage my students to let go, find a place to play, check the ego at the door and not take themselves too seriously. I want to help them to breathe and to laugh. I know this is not always all I will want to be as a teacher, but it seems like a pretty good place to start.

Chakras...

Chakras are energy vortexes in the body that can help show where we can improve mentally and in health. When a chakra is open, active and healthy you become more centered in that chakra's particular area of expertise. In order to achieve this you need to ignite the chakras by drawing energy up the three main channels or nadis (Sushumna, Pingala and Ida) in the body. These three intersect up the spine at each chakra. Chakras can be lit up through pranayama (breath control) and through various practice of asana (yoga poses). I am simplifying because I am still very much learning - but let me share the basics. From crown to base...

7. Sahasrara Chakra - located at the top of the head or crown. This is the chakra of knowing and our connection to the divine. It is depicted as a thousand petaled lotus. When healthy: a person is connected to all things and people; he or she is well balanced and grounded. When blocked: a person may feel stunted spiritually, fear dying, be depressed or bored with life.

Asana: headstand

6. Ajna Chakra - located between the eyebrows at the third eye. This is the chakra of visualization and intuition. When healthy: a person is inspired, intuitive and has creative insights. When blocked: a person may have nightmares or fail to recognize their intuition.

Asana: child's pose

 

5. Vishuddha Chakra - located at the throat. This is the center of expression. When healthy: a person speaks well and can express what they mean to communicate. When blocked: a person can have trouble asserting his or her ideas and there may be a big difference in what they say vs what they do.

Asana: plow, shoulder stand, chin stand

4. Anahata Chakra - located at the heart region. This is, you guessed it, the heart chakra. It is love, compassion and expressions of such. When healthy: a person is kind, serene, able to express love and emotion. When blocked: a person may become isolated, withdrawn or passive.

Asana: back bends

3. Manipura Chakra - located at the solar plexus (between naval and sternum). This is the seat of the self - where people gather their personal power, ego and confidence from. When healthy: a person will have self control, confidence and a balanced ego. When blocked: people will be indecisive, feel inadequate or be too controlling.

Asana: forwardfolds, core

2. Swadhishthana Chakra - located about two inches below the naval. This is the chakra of emotions and sexuality. When healthy: a person will feel emotionally secure, sexually secure and expressive. When blocked: a person may have buried emotions or instability.

Asana: twists, pigeon

1. Muladhara Chakra - located at the base of the spine. This is the chakra of basic needs, survival; our base self and the right to exist. When healthy: a person is creative and achieves personal growth. When blocked: a person may have poor self image, chronic pain or illness.

Asana: squat, goddess pose

Recently, I was lucky enough to receive a chakra reading during training.  The only two that were totally active were my 5th and 7th chakra. There was also energy moving about my manipura chakra but not as strongly. What does that mean? Ohh, plenty. But for now let's just say it means more pranayama, squats, twists, back bends and child's pose in my practice.