There is a scene in the Wizard of Oz that goes like this...
Cowardly Lion: All right, I'll go in there for Dorothy. Wicked Witch or no Wicked Witch, guards or no guards, I'll tear them apart. I may not come out alive, but I'm going in there. There's only one thing I want you fellows to do.
Tin Woodsman, Scarecrow: What's that?
Cowardly Lion: Talk me out of it!
This pretty much sums up how I felt. Here's what happened...
I was sitting at my desk at the York Ave studio, signing in the 4:35pm class, and keeping an eye out for the scheduled sub. I was not worried; this is a reliable, wonderful teacher we're talking about here. But then ten minutes before class I started to worry... I call... no answer. Still thinking she will walk in at any moment. (But of course things happen and do not always run as smoothly as we would like.) So I start to call other local teachers... no answer. I am dialing and leaving messages about as quickly as is humanly possible trying to find a teacher for this class when suddenly it dawns on me - I could just teach it. Then thought, wait, can I teach it? And the battle of courage vs fear began.
I called our general manager who assured me that I should indeed jump in and just do it. At this point it is about three minutes after the regular class start time. I walked into the room and thanked everyone for their patience, explained that their sub was no longer available and that I would be their teacher today... I just had to lock up and grab pants. I did this fairly calmly. Then exited the room, ran to the back to pull yoga pants from the boutique, changed quickly, ran back to the front to lock the door, dropping my skirt and shoes and the sales tag from pants I did not know the size of at/around the front desk (yes, my coworker who came in after me had a moment of pondering my disappearance via rapture rising) and then one, two, three, jump.
The class itself is a bit of a blur. I started by putting everyone in child's pose and asking them to let the first chaotic five minutes of their class go. Saying that sometimes this is our yoga. (Secretly hoping that they wouldn't still be upset by the time the class was over. And giving myself a moment to realize that this was my yoga today too.) I had one fellow trainee in class - right up front near me - she was my rock! All through Sun Salutations I kept looking at Susan and thinking 'it's fine, it's just like training.' My hands were shaking, my ipod was on its last bar of battery, etc... but somehow words were still coming out of my mouth. By the time I got to Surya B I knew that I could do it.
After a few deep breaths (mostly mine) we started on my sequence. As I began to focus, everyone became students instead of seventeen clients I was afraid of displeasing. (Manager brain off - teacher brain on.) Once this happened, I was able to enjoy teaching such a fabulous group of people. I even threw in a few poses or instructions that were particularly Jenny. Honestly, it could not have been a better class to jump into last minute. This was my teacher's class - I know her, the class, and am teaching because of her. Afterward I felt honored to have been there and really like it might have been meant to be. Heck, I was even wearing a Batman T-shirt for the occasion. (Thank you laundry day.)
It is not easy to face our fears, to have courage or jump in. But sometimes life pushes us to do just that. The universe is not out to get us - instead, I believe, it is looking to show us what we are made of.
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