Sometimes you just need to get away. I apologize for my blogging break, but trust that at least some of the time was much needed re-coop time. Re-cooperation from what, you may ask? I am not sure I can pin point it exactly. But lets call it busy-season-changing, months-that-feel-week-long-only, wedding-planning-writing-scrambling... stress. Yes, lets call it stress.
I don't know about you, but when I am stressed I let myself push, push, push to get the to-do list done. I aim to accomplish more than any one person could possibly hope to do in 24 hours - yet never give myself credit for doing enough. And most days I add more to the list than I check off because it feels like the tasks are never-ending. Sounds familiar? Then after all the work I discredit, when I may finally have a moment to rest and restore, instead, I crash. I turn the TV on and zombie-out or, as I like to call it, have turn-my-brain-off time.
The thing is, even though this is down time (and I do think that occasionally it is what a person may need for their down time) it is not what my body and mind needs most. I find, that stress causes me to do do do and really what I need is to just be. To take a moment and enjoy a really deep breath and sigh, to take in how smart and funny my friends are, to hug my fiance, to take my time cooking a meal, or to get away and leave the busy city behind for a bit.
Last weekend I got the chance to escape the bustling city life and head to one of my favorite places, Ithaca, NY. If you have never been I highly recommend it. I went to college there and try to get back at least once a year - usually for the Apple Harvest Festival. This year, I did yoga at Lucifer Falls, ate and drank aplenty, spent some time with dear friends, and some remembering how it feels to make time to sit still and just be.
I also learned a very good lesson in a funny situation. While sitting in the Commons (a beautiful little pedestrian downtown area full of shops and apple goodness) I noticed a guy wandering and trying to hand out fliers. He appeared to be a local - what Ithaca or Cornell students would call a "towny" - in hippy garb, perhaps purchased at the local hemp store, and dreadlocks. We made eye contact as he worked his way through the crowd, I smiled, he looked me up and down and sort of made a face. Eventually he made his way to me and gave me a postcard and a wink.
I said thanks, turned the postcard to the back, and immediately began to laugh as I declared, "Dude, I can totally chant this with you!" before noticing he had already slipped back into the crowd. The card read:
"Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare
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All I could think was that I must not look like a yoga teacher today and how nice that he wanted to share the great mantra with me - without asking for a donation even. Then I wondered if he was judging me, trying to save me, and what or who he had summed me up to be. The self judging thought was followed by a much more beautiful one. It is not about what we see or how we appear to someone else. You cannot look and know all that a person is.
During these few days following that moment I have come to realize that as stressed out, do do do, as I ever become I am always a yogi and a being that ultimately knows what my body and mind needs. I do not need to be a super woman who gets everything on the list done. I do not need to impress, stress or express exactly who or what I am or prove myself to another person. I need to breathe, practice, enjoy, be.
