We store tension in the body. We hold on to accidents or stress or memories we are still working through. This is not always a conscious act, so we blame the injury for the pain, when really, it is tension caused by something completely different and perhaps not the injury at all. In this case, I really did hurt my shoulder, but I am also sure that there is a lot more going on there. Through this particular pain, I have been going through stages of rest (oh I am going to take it easy in class today, my shoulder...) vs practicing harder (maybe I can just work through the knots). Of course neither has worked. I was pushing too hard and true change, in my personal experience, never occurs by force.
Last week, Jenny Gammello (my teacher, friend, and Thai massage master) worked on my shoulder. She helped me stretch in ways my yoga practice could not achieve and encouraged me to just let go. She got me to surrender the weight of my arm into her hands, so that she could do the work and help me find ease. It may seems simple but letting go, even just the weight of your own arm, is tricky to do. Eventually she got me to give and together we started to work out the knots.
I did not push. I breathed. At one point the position Jenny held my shoulder in, and the breath I sent to it, created such a force that my muscle started to spasm and had no choice but to let go of the tension it was carrying. Jenny told me that I did that work, that I released it all on my own. I laughed and without really thinking said, "It was a battle or breathe moment." Meaning, I could either fight surrendering to the stretch because it was uncomfortable or just take a deep breath and give in to the experience. Give in. Let go. Breathe. Experience. I have written about all these things before. But sometimes it takes a physical experience to make a concept a reality. Jai.
