Ready, Set, Go! (Teach)

Last Monday I did something crazy. I jumped in and subbed a class - and not one of the donation classes where students are aware I am still a new teacher - a 'real' class. In fact, my Teacher Training Director Jenny's class! It was not really on purpose - this was not a scheduled situation. But it was certainly one of those times to just jump (don't look down it will be fine) and then pray your parachute opens.

There is a scene in the Wizard of Oz that goes like this...

Cowardly Lion: All right, I'll go in there for Dorothy. Wicked Witch or no Wicked Witch, guards or no guards, I'll tear them apart. I may not come out alive, but I'm going in there. There's only one thing I want you fellows to do. 
Tin Woodsman, Scarecrow: What's that? 
Cowardly Lion: Talk me out of it! 

This pretty much sums up how I felt. Here's what happened...

I was sitting at my desk at the York Ave studio, signing in the 4:35pm class, and keeping an eye out for the scheduled sub. I was not worried; this is a reliable, wonderful teacher we're talking about here. But then ten minutes before class I started to worry... I call... no answer. Still thinking she will walk in at any moment. (But of course things happen and do not always run as smoothly as we would like.) So I start to call other local teachers... no answer. I am dialing and leaving messages about as quickly as is humanly possible trying to find a teacher for this class when suddenly it dawns on me - I could just teach it. Then thought, wait, can I teach it? And the battle of courage vs fear began.

I called our general manager who assured me that I should indeed jump in and just do it. At this point it is about three minutes after the regular class start time. I walked into the room and thanked everyone for their patience, explained that their sub was no longer available and that I would be their teacher today... I just had to lock up and grab pants. I did this fairly calmly. Then exited the room, ran to the back to pull yoga pants from the boutique, changed quickly, ran back to the front to lock the door, dropping my skirt and shoes and the sales tag from pants I did not know the size of at/around the front desk (yes, my coworker who came in after me had a moment of pondering my disappearance via rapture rising) and then one, two, three, jump.




The class itself is a bit of a blur. I started by putting everyone in child's pose and asking them to let the first chaotic five minutes of their class go. Saying that sometimes this is our yoga. (Secretly hoping that they wouldn't still be upset by the time the class was over. And giving myself a moment to realize that this was my yoga today too.) I had one fellow trainee in class - right up front near me - she was my rock! All through Sun Salutations I kept looking at Susan and thinking 'it's fine, it's just like training.' My hands were shaking, my ipod was on its last bar of battery, etc...  but somehow words were still coming out of my mouth. By the time I got to Surya B I knew that I could do it.

After a few deep breaths (mostly mine) we started on my sequence. As I began to focus, everyone became students instead of seventeen clients I was afraid of displeasing. (Manager brain off - teacher brain on.) Once this happened, I was able to enjoy teaching such a fabulous group of people. I even threw in a few poses or instructions that were particularly Jenny. Honestly, it could not have been a better class to jump into last minute. This was my teacher's class - I know her, the class, and am teaching because of her.  Afterward I felt honored to have been there and really like it might have been meant to be. Heck, I was even wearing a Batman T-shirt for the occasion. (Thank you laundry day.)

It is not easy to face our fears, to have courage or jump in. But sometimes life pushes us to do just that. The universe is not out to get us - instead, I believe, it is looking to show us what we are made of.

Nearly a River Guide

During the very first weekend of training, my amazing director Jenny Gammello told us, "Everyone has a different river of connection to the source." That as teachers we would all take our own journey to become the sort of teacher and person we are meant to be. She encouraged us to remember that each student is on his or her own journey as well. As a teacher I get to help students navigate their path or river but I can only ever be the river guide and true to the course I am meant to take. Key to being the perfect teacher in that wisdom? I think so.

Now that there are only three weeks left to my 200 hour teacher training, I am starting to wonder where it has all gone. My start in January seems like last week, not months ago, and though it is easy to see how far we have all come, I would gladly start training all over again after we finish on May 15th. I am excited to start teaching and am looking forward to the next step too, but training has brought me so much I will be sad to be without it.

I have made the decision to continue blogging about yoga after (might have to change this title) because there is still so much to share! I have filled a notebook and a half, plus notes in my manual, sequence sketches, class observation notes, etc. So I hope you will continue to indulge me after this journey has ended and the next begins. Heck, you can even come take my class soon!

Here is just a little peek at some of the topics I have briefly touched on this bloggity-blog so far and many that are yet to come. I figure since I am reviewing and studying that I would share. Enjoy!

Ahimsa, alignment, anatomy, aparigraha, asana, ashtanga, assists, asteya, attachment, ayurveda, Bhagavad Gita, bhakti, brahmacharya, chakras, chanting, cleanse diet, deities, doshas, ease, gunas, home practice, hot yoga, intensity, karma, koshas, krama, mantra, maya, meditation, nadis, niyamas, om, pain, perception, prana, pranayama, prenatal yoga, restorative yoga, sanskrit, sattva/rajas/tamas, satya, sequencing, sun salutes, sutras, tantra, yamas... and oh so much more. :)

Triumph: Handstand - Adho Mukha Vrksasana

It has been nearly three and a half years since my last handstand. Oh handstand, how you eluded me. Well no more! Victory is, at long last, mine.

Saturday we finished the inversions section of our training with this pose. We spent hours and krama after krama prepping and jumping and let me tell you, I felt like gravity itself. I did not feel like I was accomplishing anything from jumping. I felt small and stuck in the mud when I should have felt like a super strong yogi. Handstand is about gearing up, strength… it should feel empowering.

But here’s the thing. I was afraid of handstand – thought that someone with my body would just not be able to get there. After a car accident left me with a few degenerative discs in my thoracic spine at the happy age of thirteen, I had to come to terms with the fact that my body just didn’t move the same way. By the time 2007 rolled around I was pretty comfortable in my twenty three year old body (this was of course a long time coming - another story altogether) so when someone offered me the opportunity to try handstand, I tried, but did not expect to succeed. This became a class I visited often and eventually I did find the pose – lots of practice melting my heart forward to find more backbend, lots of core work to find the strength, etc.

Of course, as soon as I became confident that I was getting handstand down, I got a nice humbling kick in the face. No really. We were paired and assisting each other up slowly, into handstand – not kicking at all. Except that my partner was brand new to yoga, in the wrong class and had a mean kick in the wrong direction. Her heel cracked me in the nose. Hard. I righted myself, left the class, and held ice there for a moment thinking ‘okay, I’m okay’. But when I touched my face my nose just was not where it should have been. I went in and finished the class. (Pitta – headstrong – can’t help it.) Turned out that my nose was broken in two places and my septum was deviated.

Spent Christmas and New Years looking like this…

My nose was back to normal fairly quickly. Handstand however, was totally lost to me. I know I did not fall on my face – which is what many people are afraid of – and I know that no one kicked me while I was in this pose. But for some reason the mental block was a strong one. I had just started to believe I could do it and then got broken down by it. So I went back to where I was before. Anytime handstand came up in class I just avoided it or would attempt to do some practice kicks, get panicky and give up. Plus now I knew exactly what a broken nose felt like and did not want to go there again. Oh, hello, new fear of falling on face - welcome to the party.  

Teacher Training turned out to be the perfect place to overcome my fear. Where else, right? This experience has helped me discover so many new things about myself and see things that I had long lost touch with. Of course my handstand phobia would arise. And after the hours of practice mentioned above, I had a moment of self love – ‘just try one more time and then let it go.’ I told myself. ‘Handstand does not need to be a thing anymore. You tried. Try once more and then let it go.’

So though exhausted, I oomphed up, felt my toe touch the wall behind me, and with a surge of strength I felt my hands ground; power spread up my arms and shoulders and realized I had done it. This was the pose! I held it for a few breaths and when I started to laugh, came down. I kept laughing and then the tears erupted from me. Molly rushed over and put her arms around me. I managed to mutter “I did it!” To which she smiled and simply replied, “What were you waiting for?”

To Teach or Not to Teach...

Many people have asked me why I decided to do a yoga teacher training program. Well, if you look at my first post you will notice that it was not necessarily to become a yoga teacher - that didn't even make it on my goals list. But read on, and you will see that there was a moment of elation after I got up and found my voice for the first time. I am happy to report that this feeling has not gone away.  I am loving teaching.

During training last week we were asked to think about some of our favorite teachers or even just some of the best classes we have had. Why are they memorable? What made them so great? Etc. Then we were asked more specifically about what we go to yoga to find and what helps us achieve these goals in class. I found these questions really helpful in thinking about the sort of teacher I would like to be - a huge revelation considering I was not sure I was going to come out of this a teacher. I am grateful and humbled to have that same desire to teach, that has possessed so many of the wonderful teachers who have gotten me here.

The lovely Juliana Mitchell teaching Restorative Yoga.

If you have had a teacher that really lit the spark in you - made you love yoga, had you leave class really feeling your absolute best, left you feeling supported, helped you find a new pose, helped you find a new piece of you, etc .... then maybe you were meant to be a teacher too. Or maybe doing a 200 hour teacher training program will help you find something else you were meant to be. Either way, the experience can be life altering. Choosing a program is much like the questions above - think of your best teachers or classes and find a program that can reinforce these experiences for you.

The last question of this exploration was: What is the yoga of your heart? The yoga of my heart... the reason to teach... what I can offer to the world via this incredible tradition. Wow. The first word into my head was support. The next was joy. I want to be a teacher that creates a supportive space for students to find joy on their mat. I want to encourage my students to let go, find a place to play, check the ego at the door and not take themselves too seriously. I want to help them to breathe and to laugh. I know this is not always all I will want to be as a teacher, but it seems like a pretty good place to start.

40 Day Cleanse - Vitality Diet

As many of you know, I have been participating in a 40 day cleanse diet as part of my Teacher Training. Well, my 40 days are up - and guess what - I'm sticking to it! Am I saying I won't be having a beer from time to time... no... I do not plan be perfect. But I do plan to stick to as much of it as fits into my life - and that sure is the majority. This diet, designed by my wonderful yoga teacher training director, Molly Lehman, has been a huge blessing.

This summer, I was fighting ulcers and just couldn't get my stomach together. It was painful, I never had energy and the food I was able to eat was not at all satisfying. With medication, I finally got to a manageable point by late fall, but still was not feeling my best. Enter, Molly with our wonderful training program and - vwalla - I have never had more energy, and my stomach has not been upset at all - not even a gurgle, on this diet.

"Should you be eating that, Mommy?"

"You better let me test it."

I would like to mention here that when I say 'diet' I mean my usual day-to-day consumption of food. I do not mean that I am trying to lose weight or eat less by any means. Along this journey a few people have tagged a negative connotation to the words 'diet' and 'cleanse'. But after a quick explanation of what I was really up to they all turned supportive.

This is about eating whole, real foods. Cutting out the processed foods that we may not even be conscious we consume every day can really make a difference. It is about fueling and feeding your body best. In fact, most people asked for a copy of the information for themselves! So, without further ado...

The Vitality Diet - 

Just a tip, if its not on the list you shouldn't be eating it. Molly is so positive we got a list of can-dos instead of do-nots. I really love this but want to be super clear too... this means no alcohol, caffeine, pasta, white flour/bead, sugar, salt, etc. No processed foods - read your labels carefully - best to go fresh! We were allowed 3 cheat items over the 40 days - so be kind to yourself, do the best you can, and have a little cheat-treat here and there.

Liquids:

• Jala Dhauti - lemon and apple cider vinegar water - upon waking. (1 whole lemon and about a teaspoon of apple cider vinegar in a little water)
• Fresh juice of fruits and vegetables
• Rice, almond or hemp milk (soy milk in a pitch)
• Plenty of clean water
• Green of white tea before 12pm.
• Herbals teas are great throughout the day. (I made a pitcher of herbal iced tea each week - totally saved me from reaching for sugary no-no drinks.)
• Coconut water, kombucha tea in moderation
  

Solid foods:
Remember to fill the stomach one half full of solid food, one quarter liquids and one quarter left empty for digestion without mental stress.

• Salads, sprouts, steamed or raw veggies (or lightly grilled), onion, garlic
• Avocado
• All beans & legumes
• Tofu or tempeh (no processed soy products)
• Oats, oatmeal, brown rice, wild rice
• Soups (homemade or really fresh - no processed can stuff)
• Sprouted grain or mana breads (found in freezer section), sourdough bread
• Quinoa, millet, amaranth, barley, bulgar, couscous, kamut, spelt, wheatberries
• Array of fresh fruits. Dried fruit.
• Almonds (sprouted best), other unsalted nuts in moderation (best if raw)
• Raw cocao (chocolate) Good brands are: Love Street and Gnosis
• Dairy in monderation or best to remove entirely. Must be organic, no hormones, from grassfed cows - sheep or goat is better.
• Eggs, meat and fish but only 4oz per meal when eating (6-8oz per meal for men). Must be organic, hunanely raised, etc. 1 protein per meal.

Dressings:

• Braggs, fresh lemon, olive oil, tahini, ground sprouted almonds, flax, ginger, vinegar
• Homemade hummus
• Sea salt, all spices
• Agave syrup, maple syrup or honey - for sweeteners!
  
  

Bon Appetit!