Nearly a River Guide

During the very first weekend of training, my amazing director Jenny Gammello told us, "Everyone has a different river of connection to the source." That as teachers we would all take our own journey to become the sort of teacher and person we are meant to be. She encouraged us to remember that each student is on his or her own journey as well. As a teacher I get to help students navigate their path or river but I can only ever be the river guide and true to the course I am meant to take. Key to being the perfect teacher in that wisdom? I think so.

Now that there are only three weeks left to my 200 hour teacher training, I am starting to wonder where it has all gone. My start in January seems like last week, not months ago, and though it is easy to see how far we have all come, I would gladly start training all over again after we finish on May 15th. I am excited to start teaching and am looking forward to the next step too, but training has brought me so much I will be sad to be without it.

I have made the decision to continue blogging about yoga after (might have to change this title) because there is still so much to share! I have filled a notebook and a half, plus notes in my manual, sequence sketches, class observation notes, etc. So I hope you will continue to indulge me after this journey has ended and the next begins. Heck, you can even come take my class soon!

Here is just a little peek at some of the topics I have briefly touched on this bloggity-blog so far and many that are yet to come. I figure since I am reviewing and studying that I would share. Enjoy!

Ahimsa, alignment, anatomy, aparigraha, asana, ashtanga, assists, asteya, attachment, ayurveda, Bhagavad Gita, bhakti, brahmacharya, chakras, chanting, cleanse diet, deities, doshas, ease, gunas, home practice, hot yoga, intensity, karma, koshas, krama, mantra, maya, meditation, nadis, niyamas, om, pain, perception, prana, pranayama, prenatal yoga, restorative yoga, sanskrit, sattva/rajas/tamas, satya, sequencing, sun salutes, sutras, tantra, yamas... and oh so much more. :)

Aparigraha

Aparigraha is abstention from greed. Not wanting what is not yours; not taking more than you need at any one time. Sounds simple right? A lot like Asteya even? But Aparigraha takes it to the next level. In not wanting or being attached we are instead making room for the divine (or at least making room to live our lives more freely).

"Um... how do you people breathe in here?!"

The challenge of Aparigraha is letting go and trusting that everything you need, you already possess. Even while living in one of the richest societies, we still walk around this earth as if there is not enough for all. Aparigraha teaches that there is plenty - more than plenty - and that should we need, the universe will provide.

This, to me, is the most freeing Yama out of the five. It encourages us not to put importance in all the material things we collect along the way, but instead to focus on traveling the path. As we journey what is really important? Aparigraha reminds us that it is the actions we take, the love we give, and the inner self we grow to find - not the souvenir things we gather.

I challenge you this weekend (and beyond) to let the stuff go, tune in and enjoy the ride.

Triumph: Handstand - Adho Mukha Vrksasana

It has been nearly three and a half years since my last handstand. Oh handstand, how you eluded me. Well no more! Victory is, at long last, mine.

Saturday we finished the inversions section of our training with this pose. We spent hours and krama after krama prepping and jumping and let me tell you, I felt like gravity itself. I did not feel like I was accomplishing anything from jumping. I felt small and stuck in the mud when I should have felt like a super strong yogi. Handstand is about gearing up, strength… it should feel empowering.

But here’s the thing. I was afraid of handstand – thought that someone with my body would just not be able to get there. After a car accident left me with a few degenerative discs in my thoracic spine at the happy age of thirteen, I had to come to terms with the fact that my body just didn’t move the same way. By the time 2007 rolled around I was pretty comfortable in my twenty three year old body (this was of course a long time coming - another story altogether) so when someone offered me the opportunity to try handstand, I tried, but did not expect to succeed. This became a class I visited often and eventually I did find the pose – lots of practice melting my heart forward to find more backbend, lots of core work to find the strength, etc.

Of course, as soon as I became confident that I was getting handstand down, I got a nice humbling kick in the face. No really. We were paired and assisting each other up slowly, into handstand – not kicking at all. Except that my partner was brand new to yoga, in the wrong class and had a mean kick in the wrong direction. Her heel cracked me in the nose. Hard. I righted myself, left the class, and held ice there for a moment thinking ‘okay, I’m okay’. But when I touched my face my nose just was not where it should have been. I went in and finished the class. (Pitta – headstrong – can’t help it.) Turned out that my nose was broken in two places and my septum was deviated.

Spent Christmas and New Years looking like this…

My nose was back to normal fairly quickly. Handstand however, was totally lost to me. I know I did not fall on my face – which is what many people are afraid of – and I know that no one kicked me while I was in this pose. But for some reason the mental block was a strong one. I had just started to believe I could do it and then got broken down by it. So I went back to where I was before. Anytime handstand came up in class I just avoided it or would attempt to do some practice kicks, get panicky and give up. Plus now I knew exactly what a broken nose felt like and did not want to go there again. Oh, hello, new fear of falling on face - welcome to the party.  

Teacher Training turned out to be the perfect place to overcome my fear. Where else, right? This experience has helped me discover so many new things about myself and see things that I had long lost touch with. Of course my handstand phobia would arise. And after the hours of practice mentioned above, I had a moment of self love – ‘just try one more time and then let it go.’ I told myself. ‘Handstand does not need to be a thing anymore. You tried. Try once more and then let it go.’

So though exhausted, I oomphed up, felt my toe touch the wall behind me, and with a surge of strength I felt my hands ground; power spread up my arms and shoulders and realized I had done it. This was the pose! I held it for a few breaths and when I started to laugh, came down. I kept laughing and then the tears erupted from me. Molly rushed over and put her arms around me. I managed to mutter “I did it!” To which she smiled and simply replied, “What were you waiting for?”